how to learn – Renée Robson

There’s 10,000 reasons to chill the hell out (AKA meditate), but I’m going to lead with what I see as the most topical for right now.

Relaxation.

When was the last time you actually relaxed? Not when was the last time you took a break, or got a workout in, but when did you last relax?

“Relaxation isn’t a luxury. In the world we live in, it’s a necessity. The everyday tension and stress that accompanies life in the 21st century can be debilitating to our mental and physical health. We need something deeper than an occasional treat. We need something that will get to the root of the problem.” – Yael Shy

Do you ever pause? From work, home, doom-scrolling on social media. When do you take time out to just be? 2020 was a year of big learning for me, one of the biggest being that doing the same old thing to de-stress just didn’t seem to work any longer. I’ve got a list (surprise surprise) of things that I need to do when I feel myself getting run down:

Say no to more – works every time
Eat better – works every time
Exercise (for someone who genuinely hated PE at school this one took a long time to get on board with) – much to my disappointment at the work required, works every time
Meditate…

During 2020 I got the list out. I hit everything on there every day, but the shitstorm that was last year just kept coming. On top of the list of things we all had in common, the border restrictions meant that I couldn’t get home to see my family in New Zealand while some pretty major things were happening. Honestly, it was pretty hard.

So I was doing the list.

I’ve been ‘meditating’ on and off for the past 15 years – every health professional, every popular speaker seems to espouse the same advice. Meditation is good for you. And I felt like I was doing it. I had all the apps and ticked every box, but it just didn’t really work for me. I figured it was a slow burn – “they” say that even if you feel like it’s not working, you should stick with it. So I did, to no avail.

Towards the end of 2020 though, something changed, I tried a variety of types of meditation (I know, seems obvious in retrospect) – but low and behold I’ve gotten results.The things I did differently:

I set up a space for meditation. This doesn’t need to be 100% dedicated, but I have an old wooden chest I bought secondhand that sits in the corner of our bedroom – it’s decorated with things that make me happy, beautiful candles and incense, a picture from my little boy. It’s a warm spot where I want to spend time – and because I see it every day, I’m being constantly reminded to take 5 minutes.
I prioritised myself and didn’t let ‘getting busy’ get in the way of taking some time. There are always jobs to be done – at work and around the house. But you can’t do any of that well if your energy is always depleted. Meditation is one way I can refill my energy reserves.
I tried different forms of meditation. That one about the cars or clouds passing me where I’m meant to observe them? That does nothing for me. I’ve been focusing on objects, sound baths, guided meditations from different meditation practitioners. Just because one form of meditation doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean others won’t.
I listened to podcasts/read books about meditation, the science and different approaches. I like to know why something is working – the most impactful thing I’ve learned? Meditation works differently for everybody, so if you’ve tried and failed – maybe try approaching it differently.

The best resources I’ve found:

Podcasts, obviously. Current favs are 10 Percent Happier (Dan Harris) and Wake me Up (Tyler Brown).
Apps – Insight Timer is my favorite. There’s a paid version, but the free version has a huge variety of content. This one is fabulous. Spotify is another gem, you can find beautiful soothing music or nature sounds to help you get in the zone.
The internet is gold here. There’s a host of resources out there, for a basic introduction on the types of meditation out there, start here https://www.headspace.com/meditation/techniques

You might have sat down & chilled out/meditated before and gotten out of practice – or it might be something you’ve never tried before. I wholeheartedly encourage you to take 10 minutes today for yourself, no matter how well, or terribly your day is going.

Learning isn’t something that necesarily happens magically as an adult. You have to work at it.

Approaching a potentially uncomfortable, or emotive topic from a place of learning is your best chance of both finding common ground, having constructive conversations and evoling and learning something new.

As I see my friends and people I admire and respect shout loudly that black lives matter (because they do) I similtaniously see others retreat. Speaking with them, their reasons are varied. Concerned about saying the wrong thing. Concerned about entering into a conversation that they don’t feel equipped to undertake. Afraid of conflict, afraid of being labelled, afraid of accidently offending.

If this sounds like you, I challenge you take some time to learn more about others’ perspectives that challenge your view of the world. Come at it from a place of learning, and try to understand where others are coming from. Not to argue, not to ‘win’ a debate or force someone to hear your opinion. Just to learn.

The goal isn’t to change someone else’s mind. The goal is to grow your own.

Places you can start:

Have you ever tested yourself for your unconsious biases? You can do that online in a tool developed by Harvard University.
Understand that different country’s histories mean that the context for #blacklivesmatter may be different where you live. I grew up in New Zealand, live in Australia and many of my friends and family live in the United States. These countries are not the same, nor are their histories of colonisation. Learn your history. Not the highlights, not the easy-to-digest stuff. The stuff that makes you uncomfortable. The fact that genocide occured in Australia up until the 1950s/60s. That while Maori in New Zealand make up 14% of the population, they make up 53% of the prison population.
The conversation about racism is not inherently political – it’s not about who you vote for. Yes – some politicians are more/less racist/antiracist than others. That doesn’t mean that your politics define your attitude on human rights.
Read read read! Here are some starting points:
- SWAAY resources
- Learn about the movement from people involved – not just the news channel or newspaper you normally get your news from. #blacklivesmatter
- And a personal favourite? Trevor Noah, he’s is absolute gold. His instragram account is well worth looking at.

Finally – and this is probably the most important: remember that not everyone has the bandwidth to help you learn.

It’s not fair to assume that anyone wants to discuss this with you, or has the emotional reserves to do so. Think of it like asking a random woman invasive questions about rape – chances are she, or someone close to her has been raped. She may not want to discuss rape in depth with you at all. She may just not want to discuss it with you today.

So at the point someone raises this with you? It’s ok to ask questions and learn – as long as its ok with them. Again – like any other situation where you want to learn – ask questions, dont’ disagree or argue – just learn.

This post isn’t meant to lecture – I acknowledge that everyone comes from a different background, has different experiences and I think it’s important not to presume you know why someone has the opinion that they do.

There’s nothing wrong with learning and growing and changing your opinion about big subjects.

Category: how to learn

Sit down & chill the hell out (AKA why you should be meditating)

How to learn when: Confronted with people who have passionately different views to your own